Affirmations

So. After last night’s TAWG, I was already more or less sure of what I am called to do. Like Gideon, I asked for yet another sign of affirmation. And as always, God answered.

Went down to church earlier for the charismatic ministry’s core team meeting. The usual, etc. Then, after the meeting, one of the leaders, Auntie Serina, told me that she, Uncle Andrew and a few others have been praying for me almost every day regarding my vocational calling. Now, I don’t recall whether or not I have mentioned my call to full time ministry to them or not… But the way Auntie Serina phrased the word ‘vocation’ gave me a start.

And she kind of smiled knowingly. Then she went on saying that I should pray further to see what God has planned with regards to vocational and religious order. Or something to that effect. I couldn’t really remember all the other details because I was a bit too stunned out of my wits.

I’m still not ready yet though. I know I have still a long way to go. I have told God during my TAWG that I’m not ready yet. But I guess, the key thing is to let go and let God. I know I’m not ready. But God is! And I know I can’t do a lot of things. But that’s the whole point! I can’t. God can!

Published in: on August 4, 2009 at 11:26pm  Comments (1)  

Harvest Time

So anyway, lately I’ve been thinking and praying hard about ministry. When I was attending TCC, I felt stirrings of God’s call into full time ministry. I resisted. Well, not exactly. I knew I wanted to do something that involves shepherding God’s people but I wasn’t ready then.

Loads of things were going on in my life. Too much distraction and disruption. I wouldn’t say I was a model christian. I’m still not one. But I’ve come to realise it’s not how good a christian we are but rather, it’s how we let God take control.

Anyway, I left church. I wouldn’t say I back slided then. I was still in love with God. I love Him and all that but I just didn’t like the idea of coming to church. And then, shit happened. And so I was away from God’s people. A few months ago, my mum reintroduced me to my catholic faith. (There’s a story here. A very long story. Will probably write that down next time.)

God works in strange ways. The only reason why I agreed to attend my mother’s church was because of the thrift shop that was opened every 2 weeks. I would visit the shop to buy second hand books. And since I read a lot, I bought a lot! Moreover, at that time, I was out of a job. The next best thing I could do was sign up and become a financial consultant. My mum didn’t like me being a financial consultant as pay is commission based and there wasn’t stability. (And that’s according to her and not to the industry as a whole…) So to make her happy, I would accompany her and my dad to church every sunday.

A few months later, in february or march, I discovered that there was a charismatic prayer ministry in that catholic church. Praise God! I missed the charismatic ministry because TCC is a pentecostal church and I love the charismatic aspect of the church. The whole shebang! Speaking in tongues, lively praise and worship, prophetic words, etc. So when I came back to the catholic church, somehow or other, God opened my eyes to the fact that even in the catholic church, there is a charismatic renewal!

Wow. So within a few weeks of attending the ministry, next thing I know, I’m serving as a guitarist in the ministry’s service team. Fast forward a couple more months and I’m now also serving in my church’s choir. Fast forward to today, I’m to be serving as a catechist soon as well.

However, that wasn’t enough. Remember I mentioned I wanted to serve full time before? Well, somehow or other, God heard me. There was this two song I loved. One’s titled “Song Of The Young Prophet” and the other is titled “Send Me“. Anyway, I had kind of made these two songs my prayer and all I can say is I can see God’s hand moving even now.

Last Saturday, I was at a retreat. The retreat was for the catholic neighbourhood groups in my parish. So one of the issues brought up was that a lot of times, people want to see the priests being involved with more of the events being organised. The problem we acknowledge though is that there are just not enough priests. When I heard that, immediately my heart jumped and this phrase “the harvest is plentiful but the laborers are few” came into my mind. Someone else apparently have the same thought and he spoke it out saying that we need more priests as there are just not enough of them.

I got back a few hours ago from my charismatic ministry. Part of what Father Paul Goh spoke about was also about this verse. The only thing that really jumped out at me apart from the funny jokes he told was also the phrase “the harvest is plentiful but the laborers are few”. It’s like God’s reaffirming something to me.

People say that if one person says something about you, it could just be that the person doesn’t like you. If two person were to say something about you, it could just be that the two of them are plotting against you. But if three or more people were to say something, it’s time we examine ourselves because there really could be something wrong with us. And this time, for me, it’s sort of an affirmation that I am to devote myself to full time ministry.

I, however am a stubborn guy. I told God that I’m afraid. I’m like Jonah running away. I told Him to give me another sign. Well… It seems He just did. I was doing my TAWG earlier. I opened the bible and the bible opened at Matthew 9:35. Guess what?

v35Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. v36When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. v37Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. v38Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.”

So. I’m still afraid. But I will pray and ask for courage. I will pray and ask God for His will to be done.

Published in: on August 4, 2009 at 2:43am  Leave a Comment  

Main blog’s on hiatus…

my main blog’s on hiatus and i desperately needed a place to blog so i’m activating this site again for now.

Published in: on August 3, 2009 at 12:37am  Leave a Comment  

Domain’s Up!

Alright! My domain has been renewed. Time to let this blog lie dormant until it is needed again. So, go check out my wordplay!

Published in: on April 18, 2006 at 8:42am  Leave a Comment  

Playing the movie

I need to learn how to play the movie. The movie theory states that everything is happening. Everything right now is just a scene in a movie and everything I do dictates how the movie turns out. I need to start living my life as if I am the director. Whether the ending is a tragedy or not depends on how I play the scene.

This is my final year in NP. Whether or not I do anything worthwhile is moot. Because after this 2 semesters, barring any failed modules, I’d have completed my studies. So whether or not I actually make friends, get a girlfriend or even achieve anything, time will still pass. Therefore, I need to play the scene the way I want my movie to end.

Playing the movie means never to see any individual action as a singular thing in and of itself: Any one thing I do is only a scene in a larger movie. To understand that action, I have to play it out all the way to the end of the movie. I have always been either thinking without doing anything or doing things without thinking about them. I need to start to think before I act.

Published in: on April 18, 2006 at 1:41am  Comments (1)  

Online

If it wasn’t for school, music or work related reasons, I won’t be chatting with anyone at all. The most I’d be doing is just sending songs to people or just ask/answer questions, cut and paste links, etc. That’s it. Turns out I also don’t really chat much online. So much for an online persona.

So what do I actually do online? Well, apart from blogging and generally just surfing digg, boingboing and using stumbleupon, I don’t really do anything productive online.

I used to play WoW but ever since I unsubscribed due to me spending way too much time in it, I don’t play much games anymore. I only listen to music nowadays but even that is becoming boring. I still do enjoy discovering new bands, new songs, etc but there’s only so much I can take before it becomes a chore.

I need something else to occupy my time. I get bored really easily nowadays. Oh wells. I’d better get to bed soon. Need lots of rest before the 19th.

Published in: on April 18, 2006 at 12:37am  Comments (1)  

EE Camp

Back not long ago from FOC ’06/’07 and now I’m getting ready for EE Society’s camp from 19th – 21st Apr 06. And guess what? I’m the medic there too.

I guess the best way for me out of this depression is to do work. Work, work and more work. I’m not a workaholic. It’s just that when I am busy with work, I don’t have to think about my problems. In a way I’m running from them. But yeah. I’d rather run away from conflicts.

Speaking of conflicts, although I say I do not bear grudges, upon further self-examination, I realise that I actually do. I bear grudges but not in that way I guess. It’s more of closure thing. If there isn’t a proper closure, I’d be continually harping on about the problem until it is settled.

Yeah. I guess in a way, that’s why I have alot of issues and stuffs. Alot of them are still gnawing away inside of me and I don’t know how to settle it because I hate conflicts. And I don’t like to stand up to people unless I have to. Does this make sense?

Published in: on April 17, 2006 at 2:53pm  Comments (2)  

Staying away

Everyone seems to be getting attached and stuff. Java and Tinkerbell. Sexy and NNM. And then there’s Emo-DH and Jas who’s almost there. Who’s next? Maybe FGB and Hawt chick?

All the more it makes me want to stay away. Cause rainy days makes me feel blue and I have perpetual rainstorms inside of me. Hawt chick told me the decision to move on is up to me. Well… Yeaps. So I guess I have to move on. Literally. I’m going to leave everything behind.

I have only 2 more semesters left and it seems that everything is going to be just like in my secondary and pre-university days. I’m going to lose contact with everyone. I’m never going to make an impact deep enough on people I think. On second thoughts? Nopes. I don’t think I’d want to.

Thinking about things made me realise that Jem’s the only one I’m still in contact with even after 7 years. My god-sis only msgs me when she needs someone to talk to. Everyone else… I’ve lost touch with. Amazing huh? So anyway… I’m dropping everything. I have to try. So yay. Back to withdrawal mode.

Updates: This is what she told me on msn last night.

John… Don’t try so hard… Cause you know how it’ll end…

Yep. I do know how it’ll end. That’s why I at least want to try instead of giving up straight. But after she said that… What’s the use? What’s the point? Like I said before on wordplay I’m just a friend and I will always be one. Nothing more. So yeah.

I should seriously just give up on people and relationships. Next time, I’ll be the one to hurt others before they have a chance to hurt me. Or better yet, I’ll just stay away and stop them from coming close.

Published in: on April 17, 2006 at 10:31am  Leave a Comment  

Communications

Communication is the key. And the thing now is I’m trying my best to communicate with her, to talk to her… And I end up feeling I’m talking to a wall. I don’t know. I just can’t seem to get through to her. Oh wells. Let go and let God. Not going to care so much about things already…

Published in: on April 16, 2006 at 7:48pm  Leave a Comment  

Chalet

The 13 Apostles chalet will be on June 16th, 17th and 18th! I can’t wait. I haven’t seen them for a long long time. These are the guys who have stood by me through thick and thin. It’s safe to say that these are the guys who are most like family to me. Thanks guys.

Yay! Damn I can’t wait. About 2 months more…

Published in: on April 16, 2006 at 6:51pm  Leave a Comment