I’m actually very hungry now. I just woke up not long ago and wham. Hit by hunger pangs. I then realised I haven’t eaten anything since last afternoon. Didn’t have last night’s dinner and today’s breakfast and lunch. Just made myself some instant noodles and man… it smells heavenly.

Maybe that’s how it is with relationships now. I’d fall for almost anyone who’d treat me good. After some dry months where there’s no one hugging me and all, I’d definitely fall in love with a girl who’d hug me right? Maybe that’s just it? Maybe I’m just looking for someone to fill her gap.

But what if that isn’t it? What if I really want to start afresh with someone? Is it a very big request? I want to move on. I do. I know it hurts to move on. And from where I am now, it hurts even more to remain where I am. I’ve been stuck in this position for 2 years now. I want to move on. But fuck it. No one’s interested in giving me a chance. Someone said I was too shy or something like that. And someone else just said she’s just not interested.

So… How do I move on? How do I move on when each time I’m blue, there’s no one around to make me smile? Sure there are tons of people that do manage to make me smile on the outside. But on the inside? It’s so easy to talk about things. I remember Jem telling me that things will get better, etc. Of course for him it’s easy. He likes her and she sort of likes him too. What’s so hard about that?

But for my case…? Ah fuck. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.

All I can say is so what if there’s sunshine and rainbow after the rain? I still end up tripping and falling down in a puddle of mud and no amount of sunshine and rainbow can make me feel better.

Published in: on April 15, 2006 at 6:15pm  Leave a Comment  

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